LOWER BACK TATTOOS FOR KIDS! WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

From Cockeyed.com:


THIS IS PATHETIC!

MAN CLAIMS TO NOW SPEAK 'AUSTRALIAN' AFTER BEING 'RAPED' BY WOMBAT

From Foxnews.com:

SYDNEY — A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.

GREAT JOHN KERRY AND HILLARY CLINTON CARTOON

From the NY POST:

LAWSUIT: CLERK FROM MCDONALD'S SCREAMED, RAN FROM LITTLE PERSON

From Foxnews.com:
A little person picking up some fast food in a South Carolina McDonald’s has filed a complaint saying his server shrieked and ran away at the sight of him.

Ethan Wade, who suffers from a form of dwarfism, retained a lawyer after claiming the clerk at the Greenville County restaurant threw up her hands, started screaming and ran away upon seeing him, WYFF4.com reports.

The shift manager and store manager apologized after the incident, Wade told WYFF4.com said.

An employee at the franchise office explained that the employee had a fear of little people, Wade told the station.

"The employee had stated to her, 'Imagine if you saw a snake or a spider, how would you respond?' And that employee said she understood that. And I said, 'That's unbelievable. I am a human being,'" Wade said.
"How could you compare the fear of a snake and spider to a human being? That makes no sense to me," he continued. "I've seen kids kind of react like that. Understandable. But grown adults to act like that? That's just not acceptable."

Cynthia Samour, the franchise owner, released a statement to WYFF4.com.

"We take these matters seriously and do our very best to serve our customers with the utmost care and respect," it read. "We have a strict policy prohibiting any form of discrimination and we continually strive to maintain an environment in which everyone feels valued and accepted."

Wade is irked by the claims.

"You can't have a phobia of a person. I'm a human being. You can't have that type of phobia."

FUNNY HILLARY CLINTON CARTOON

From the NY POST:

HOW NOT TO DRESS YOUR DAUGHTER. STARRING BRUCE WILLIS

From PEREZHILTON.COM:

SON KEEPS HIS WORD--HIRES STRIPPER TO PERFORM AT FATHER'S FUNERAL

From FoxNews.com:A man hired a stripper to perform at the funeral of his father — who happened to have a fondness for gentlemen's clubs, according to reports from Taiwan.

Taiwanese newspaper the United Daily News reported that Cai Jinlai had been promised a stripper for his funeral if he lived to 100.

Jinlai was 103 when he died — reportedly leaving behind more than 100 "descendants."

He had died after walking about 3.1 miles to a town in Taichung County to vote in an election in the Taichung.

His son, Cai Ruigong, told the newspaper that he had paid more than $170 for the stripper to dance around the coffin at the funeral.

"He would travel around the island with his friends to see these [strip] shows," Ruigong said.

According to reports, the exotic dancer performance at the funeral lasted 10 minutes.

93-YEAR-OLD MAN CHARGED IN SEX STING

From the Herald Tribune:

MANATEE COUNTY — Prosecutors have decided to drop a soliciting charge against one of two 93-year-old men who were picked up during recent undercover prostitution stings.

The state, however, will continue to pursue a case against the other elderly man.

Carlos Underhill, 93, will not be charged, although he does not deny stopping to chat with the "good-looking girl" who made eyes at him and turned out to be an undercover cop.

Police say Underhill was willing to pay $30 for sex, and that he promised to come back a few hours later to consummate the deal.

But prosecutors say that they cannot move ahead with the criminal case because there is no way to prove that Underhill planned to come back.

Underhill was fined $150 for trying to pick up a prostitute in 1990, when he was 75. In the February case, he says that he was not cruising Tamiami Trail for sex, and that all he wanted to do was chat with the buxom woman who smiled at him as he drove past.

"All I was going to do was talk," he said Monday. "It wasn't for sex. I am 93, you know."

Meanwhile, in the case of Frank Milio, prosecutors have issued subpoenas and plan to take him to trial in April.

Milio, according to police records, tried to pay $20 in November to an undercover officer on 14th Street West.

Milio recently told the Herald-Tribune that he was only flirting with the woman.

"I haven't had that in years," he said. "Ninety-three is kind of old."

FUNNY DAVID PATERSON CARTOON

From the NY POST:

POKER

Poll: Best Female Poker Player
In honor of Women's History Month, I'm going to spend the next week highlighting some of the best women poker pros alive. When you think of the best of the...

Holding Top Pair On A Straight Board
Everyone has warning bells go off in their heads when three to a straight are on board and they don’t have a reasonable shot at making a straight. But you might not know exactly how dangerous these boards can be. As it turns out, if you have top pair with no chance to improve to [...]

Everyone has warning bells go off in their heads when three to a straight are on board and they don’t have a reasonable shot at making a straight. But you might not know exactly how dangerous these boards can be. As it turns out, if you have top pair with no chance to improve to a straight yourself, you’d better watch out.

The first problem is that holding the made straight on the flop is not too hard to accomplish. That’s because there are 16 available combos of each of the straight hands. For instance, on a 987 board, you can have JT one of 16 ways, T6 one of 16 ways, and 65 one of 16 ways for 48 total made straight combos. (For comparison, your can have AA only 6 ways, and A9 only 12 ways.) Say your opponent gives you a lot of action on the flop, and you think she has either two pair, a set, or a made straight. And say you think your opponent wouldn’t play T6 offsuit… just suited. Under those circumstances, it’s 50-50 whether your opponent has the straight or not! She has 9 ways to make each two pair (27 total combos), 3 ways to make each set (9 combos), 16 ways to make the top or bottom end of the straight (32 combos), and 4 ways to make T6s. That makes 36 non-straight combos and 36 straight combos. Indeed, if you hold 65, the bottom end of the straight, you are only about 50-50 if you get all-in against an opponent who has either a straight, a set, or two pair (assuming that your opponent would play only the suited version of T6). You can hold a straight and not even be a favorite when you get all the money in on the flop!

The second thing that’s dangerous about straight boards is that when you’re ahead, often you’re not very far ahead, but when you’re behind, you’re sometimes drawing nearly dead. Say you have AT on a T98 board. If your opponent has something like J9 with a backdoor flush draw, you are a miniscule 50.5-49.5 favorite. But if your opponent has 76 then you’re a 95.5-4.5 dog. So even if your opponent’s range is dominated by weaker pairs and draws, sometimes you still won’t be the overall favorite because the times that you’re beaten, you’re crushed.

For instance, say your opponent is extremely loose and aggressive. He plays a ton of hands preflop, and he’s willing to get it all-in on the flop with draws, weaker pairs… all sorts of things. You’re still not a big favorite with just top pair.

For instance, say you have KT on a T98 two flush board. Your opponent bets in a way that challenges you to get all the money in. He’s crazy, so he’d do that with all sorts of hands: Any straight, set, or two pair, any jack, any ten, and any pair with a queen or higher kicker. Also any flush draw, any pair with a 7 kicker (including 77), and some pairs with 6 kickers. That’s a ton of hands, many of which your top pair/good kicker is beating. But even against that crazy loose range, it turns out that you’re only a 51-49 favorite. If your opponent is even remotely tighter, then if he starts jamming the flop, you’re probably in rough shape.

The third problem, at least in no-limit, is that so many scary cards can come, and you’re ill-equipped to deal with any of them. Say you’re against that crazy loose-aggressive player. As a 51-49 favorite, you’d be fine to get all the money in on the flop. But if you don’t get all the money in, then you could have some real problems on the turn if a scary card comes (and more than half the deck is scary). If you’re in position, it’s bad enough, but if you’re out of position, forget it. You’re in real trouble.

So what’s the conclusion? If you have a hand like AT or KT on a T98 board, you have quite a marginal holding. If your opponent shows any sign of interest in the pot, you should proceed cautiously. In no-limit, against most players, if you bet and your opponent raises a decent size, you should fold because your hand compares poorly against your opponent’s range. Often, despite the large danger of getting drawn out on, you should simply check the hand on the flop and hope a deuce rolls off on the turn. If that happens, you’ll be in significantly stronger shape against your opponents’ ranges, and you can safely put some action in. If a bad card comes, oh well. You didn’t have much hand to begin with.

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"The Grand" Poker Movie Opening this Friday
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Shannon Elizabeth on Dancing with the Stars
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